"And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read." -Alice Walker.
I have become sentimental today. Warning, do not read on if you’re not prepared for a tearjerker, because I am crying, but they are happy tears of emotion, it’s not sadness I feel.
I know the Mother’s Day Classic, is to raise funds, for breast cancer research and it is usual to dedicate your run to someone you know who has had breast cancer, but I am dedicating my private run, on Mother’s Day, to my mum who died at age 62, in 1972, following a ten year battle, with heart disease and emphysema.
So while running around the oval during two separate 500 meter runs yesterday I was thinking , ‘I hope you can see this mum and be happy’, and I was also thinking, ‘I wish mum had good guidance and been able to start a health recovery program before it was too late for her, she died far too young’.
When I was at my rock bottom, three and a bit years ago I did the only thing I had the control to do. made the best decision of my life, not to diet at all. I have always eaten healthy, occasionally, I indulged in non-nutritious food and often I ate more food than my body was burning for fuel. Arguments about poor metabolism and 'oh I can’t help it its in my genes' or my 'Syndrome X or whatever' are just excuses I told myself, I was frankly eating too much too often and not exercising enough.
I changed my lifestyle to being consistent in self care.
I did not begin with running, a hundred meter walk had me puffing and in pain, I just made a start. That's all we have to do, 'take on to day', at the best we can do. We can 'do today'.
Today, three years and three months later, I just ran 4 kilometres in 32 minutes maintaining a consistent 8 kilometres an hour and I dedicate my run and my new found, fitness to you, mum, with all my love. I see you now, much as you looked when you left me, only it’s the healthy happier version. Every time I look in a mirror now, I see you smiling back at me. Yes, we had a troubled relationship, there were times I hated you and in all honesty, I was a monster of a defiant child.
I have learned that mums are not perfect and we all do the best we can with the skills and the circumstances we find ourselves in, even I made mistakes as a mum but I know I did the best I could and this helps me to understand that you also did the best you were capable of. You always told me that your idea of heaven or hell was that you thought that souls might be aware of what people thought about them after they had left their human body form and other than that, you had no idea what there was beyond human life on earth. I think that was a very insightful observation and I don’t know that anyone has a better explanation of heaven and hell than that, so mum, I hope you are in heaven today, feeling joy and a happiness seeing how fit and happy your youngest daughter is.
“I talk about you with pride these days and I now treasure that my childhood was so unusual, you helped me develop skills I have needed in my life, there is a purpose for everything after all. I love you mum, Happy Mother’s Day, Mum”
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